


Treating Slade (Actually Wade)

by VampirePaladin



Category: DC Extended Universe, Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: F/M, First Meetings, Post-Suicide Squad (2016), Therapy, beginning of relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22516420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/pseuds/VampirePaladin
Summary: Harley reopens her practice and takes "Slade Wilson" on as one of her patients.
Relationships: Harleen Quinzel/Wade Wilson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30
Collections: X-Ship - The Crossover Relationship Exchange 2019





	Treating Slade (Actually Wade)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NekoMida](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekoMida/gifts).



Harley thought things were going well. She’d survived an encounter with an evil bitchy witch, escaped from Belle Revue, and she’d even broken up with the Joker. Harley was even going back into psychiatry, by opening up a private practice. Of course she couldn’t do it under the name Harleen Quinzel, there was a warrant out for her arrest, but she had made it quietly known amongst the criminals that this practice would be discrete, it would help them get the help they needed without risk of being turned into the authorities.

Her calendar was filling up nicely. On Mondays she saw Lex Luthor Jr. and talked about his daddy issues. Tuesdays was Dr. Sivana and his daddy issues. Wednesdays was Black Manta and yet more daddy issues. Thursday was for Oswald Copplepot and his daddy issues. Today was Friday, and she had a new patient to see today: Slade Wilson. She hoped to god he didn’t have daddy issues.

There was a knock on the door to her office. Harley glanced at the clock. Right on time.

“Come in,” Harley called out.

In slipped a man in a red and black costume. He had a pair of sword on his back and guns on his hips. “Hi, Doc.”

“Mr. Wilson, welcome.” Harley stood up and stepped forward to shake the man’s hand. “Sit down and be comfortable.” She indicated to the couch next to her before sitting down again.

“Don’t mind if I do,” the man said as he dropped onto the couch, clashing with the rest of his costume was the pair of crocks on his feet.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Wilson?” Harley asked. She had her clipboard ready so that she could take notes.

“It’s not easy being a fourth wall breaking character. I know what happened in the comics and no one understands what it’s like having that level of power. I have to use it enough to make the audience laugh, but I can’t do it to the point that it spoils too much or ruins the story for the lazy bums that don’t bother to read comics.”

_Delusions._ “So you are a comic book character then?” Harley asked. She’d been fond of reading Archie as a little girl. It was so cute.

“No, of course not. That’s completely ridiculous. I’m a character from the cinematic adaptation of a comic book, huge, huge difference.”

“My bad,” Harley said. 

“It was really hard starting out in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Things got better when Deadpool came out but… well, you know how it is,” he said with a wave of his hand.

“I’m sorry I don’t follow.”

“Suicide Squad wasn’t exactly publicly beloved, but now you are getting a second chance at it with the new movie.”

“I’m not a movie character,” Harley objected.

“Yeah, and I’m not terrified of Green Lantern Rings.” 

“Green Lantern Rings?” Harley repeated in confusion.

“Look, I don’t have much time before I have to go kill some worse guys than me. Can we make this a regular thing?”

“Ya got money?” Harley asked.

“Yep.”

“Then we’re good for every Friday.”

That was how Slade Wilson became a regular patient of Harley’s. Every Friday he’d come and talk about what it was like being a character in a cinematic adaptation of a comic book, his thoughts on the timeline, on corporate mergers, how he live in fear of Cable doing the Addam’s Family theme song, and about wanting to connect with Hugh Jackman in a possibly sexual manner. Harley found herself getting more invested in Slade’s life, in what was happening, she was dangerously approaching unprofessional levels, of course Harley had already danced over that line once with the Joker.

It was weeks after she started seeing Slade when Harley was watching the news. There was a report about Deathstroke trying to kill a group of teenagers. She knew that Deathstroke was Slade Wilson, though she’d never looked him up before. The man on screen was not the man that she’d been treating.

Harley seethed. The Slade that she’d been treating, had been starting to have feelings for, he was just a wannabe, trying to cosplay as a great criminal and take advantage of her. He was no better than Mister J. She fumed in her apartment and made her plans.

The next day when the door to her office opened, Harley pointed her gun and started shooting.

“Fake,” she screamed at him.

The man dove behind the couch.

“I saw on the news. You ain’t no Slade Wilson. You’re just some wannabe copycat.”

“Truce!” he called out as he waved a pair of tighty whiteys from behind the couch.

Harley stopped shooting but she didn’t lower her gun. “Ya got sixty seconds.”

He popped up from behind the couch. “Alright, I’m not Slade Wilson. I’m Wade Wilson. The comic character my movies were based on, it was sort of a ripoff of Deathstroke. There aren’t many options for therapists where I’m from other than the Xaviers, and they are all creepy with how they get in your head. I used his name since you were the only therapist I could think of and it was the only way to get appointments.” They could hear approaching police sirens from outside. “Please, I really like you, as more than a therapist.” He somehow gave her a pleading look through his mask.

“I kinda like you too as more than a patient,” Harley admitted slowly.

“Let’s run away together. No number of corporate lawyers will be able to keep us apart. We could do anything. Marvel, DC, we should be together as a symbol of love, bridging our differences.” Wade held out his gloved hand.

Most of what Wade was saying didn’t make any sense, but there was one thing that made sense. He liked her. She liked him. They were both flexible with things like the law.

Harley took his hand.

“You know someone is paying big bucks for me to go kill a group of Neo-Nazis. Wanna come?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Yeah, I am asking you out on a date.”

Harley put her gun in its holster and grabbed her baseball bat from behind her desk. “Let’s go.”


End file.
